Reality Inspector Gifts

'I lost my job as a political cartoonist because reality is crazier than I ever could be. Please help.'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

"Of course I'm aware of reality! I mean, we met in St. Thomas, got engaged in Austria, announced it in London and now we're getting married in the Flatbush Jewish Center!"

Skeptic: Critical Thinking, Facts, Debunking.

Truth

Complexity Made Simple.

There are dreams...And then there's reality...

"It looks like we've reached the end of reality..."

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

'Apparently, wild hopes and dreams, re-enacted by Barbie and Ken, are no substitute for a solid business plan.'

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

"We've managed to eliminate every problem except the public perception that we're heading in the wrong direction."

"Do you ever wish you lived in a different era, Randy?" "Well… every waking moment I wish I were living before the beginning of existence itself. So I could witness the Big Bang." "It's safer to keep me where I am. Injecting my advanced virility into more primitive eras could have disastrous effects on the timeline." "That way I could know for sure whether our universe is all just one big simulation running on some geek's computer." "I mean, everything being made up of atoms and math is

Since I took command of the company, I have steered a steady course.

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!!"

"This says you should expect to spend six months and at least $800 building the perfect lowrider bike."

University of Hard Knocks

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

"With all the AI and deep fake technology, I'm not even sure what's real anymore."

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

'Yeah? Well... bite me! No... wait!'

"I believe you were complaining about your cold this morning."

'Perhaps you've been 'lovin it' a bit too much?'

Psychiatrist. She said she could help get me in touch with reality or boost my self-esteem but not both.

"You can make your life any way you want it. Don't let your thoughts limit your future. It is possible to achieve your dreams!"

"Starting at a new agency can be overwhelming. Let me show you around."

"I've been living vicariously through a really boring person."

'Don't give up the day job...'

'Actually, the bill is part of your reality therapy.'

'The more successful I become, the less money I make.'