Property Inspector Gifts

"Come with me. I've found someone who'll talk square footage with you."

'Dry rot! Are you sure?'

'That's not subsidence. That's land rising up on either side.'

'You'll need to put these on before the inspection.'

'I can't pass it as a dwellable cave unless you get yourself a rollable boulder to reduce your heat loss. '

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"I'm afraid you don't have termites."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

'Foundations, what's wrong with the foundations?.'

'Some things you just accept when you move to San Andreas.'

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

For sale

Real Estate Life

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'I found the termites!'

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

There is nothing more satisfying that peeling the film off a brand new building.

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

'The roof needs icing.'

'I don't care if it's a little storage room for King Tut, you still need a building permit and contractor's license.'

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

"Homes on Holmes"

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

'My building inspector just doesn't understand me.'

'It's not so much the distance to your proposed house site, but that I'm not familiar with your planet's building codes.'

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

'That's subsidence Sir Bryan - The charts are over here.'

"What do you mean you wouldn't sweat the water in the basement."

"I know it looks fine, but let's get an engineer's report and a termite inspection just to be on the safe side."