Home Inspector Gifts

'See! I told you the roof needed repairing.'

"Great location, new roof, central air, underground storage tanks full of toxic waste, double garage, ceramic tile?"

'I found the termites!'

"Well, if that's your only concern, I suggest you simply make an offer conditional upon the removal of all monsters."

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

' ...so we decided to put in our own flood protection scheme.'

"The back of the house? Didn't I already show you that?"

'The roof needs icing.'

"Yes, Mr. Willis, it's definitely rising damp."

'It's a beautiful home with the exception of a little radon gas."

'Your house is made of cheese. You don't smell that?'

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

'Yeah, looks like you've got soem non-standard plumbing here'

"Here's where all the worries of the world have been seeping into your home."

"Does the water always come through the ceiling like that?"

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"You've got a real fungus problem. You'll have to move out until it's taken care of."

I think I've found the answer.

"Nonsense! What makes you think there may be a damp problem?"

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

Santa hosing the Chimney.

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

The Adventures of Break-O-Man

"Getting ready for the auditor again?"

'You'll need to put these on before the inspection.'

"Well, we could just tell everyone we have an indoor pool!"

'If it were my house I'd put it on life support.'

'Keep your feet on the joists, Cedric.'

Devil confronts Rot in Hell. ' You're going to need to replace all this siding.'

'How interesting, the subdivision's built on an empty mineshaft.'

'It's that builder you accused of being a cowboy. He said he'll be waiting for you outside at high noon.'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

'The good news is you don't have termites. The bad news is you have beavers.'

'I'll call 911, and I'd advise you to get rid of that trampoline.'