Home Inspector Gifts

'See! I told you the roof needed repairing.'

"Great location, new roof, central air, underground storage tanks full of toxic waste, double garage, ceramic tile?"

'I found the termites!'

' ...so we decided to put in our own flood protection scheme.'

'You said to call back if the gas problem got worse.'

"Well, if that's your only concern, I suggest you simply make an offer conditional upon the removal of all monsters."

"The back of the house? Didn't I already show you that?"

'You should have called me sooner.'

'The roof needs icing.'

"Yes, Mr. Willis, it's definitely rising damp."

'It's a beautiful home with the exception of a little radon gas."

"Central heat. Pretty posh."

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have troubles with those in the back yard.'

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

'Yeah, looks like you've got soem non-standard plumbing here'

'Your house is made of cheese. You don't smell that?'

"Here's where all the worries of the world have been seeping into your home."

Santa hosing the Chimney.

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"Nonsense! What makes you think there may be a damp problem?"

I think I've found the answer.

"You've got a real fungus problem. You'll have to move out until it's taken care of."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"Does the water always come through the ceiling like that?"

'Keep your feet on the joists, Cedric.'

'If it were my house I'd put it on life support.'

"Well, we could just tell everyone we have an indoor pool!"

The Adventures of Break-O-Man

'You'll need to put these on before the inspection.'

I wouldn't make an offer until you get the inspector's report. For sale.

"Getting ready for the auditor again?"

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

'It's that builder you accused of being a cowboy. He said he'll be waiting for you outside at high noon.'

'And this, of course, is the kitchen sinkhole.'