Home Safety Inspector Gifts

'It's so reassuring to know that our sprinkler system is on the ball.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I'm going to need a little more for the root cause than, who'da thunk."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'I found the termites!'

"This is a neighbourhood vigilante area."

Executive ignores wet floor warning and slides down hall

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

There is nothing more satisfying that peeling the film off a brand new building.

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

"The crash-test rating on this puppy is off the charts!"

Time Out For Teddy

No caption (A crash test dummy in the shape of a bird flies toward a window. Other birds dressed as scientists study the experiment from the ground).

"We'll get there when we get there!"

'Mum...Dad's barbecued his face again.'

'Mind you don't wake the baby.'

'Take us to your crash test facilities. We're here to liberate our compatriots!'

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

"The sign ruins our surprise attack, but it's a big OSHA fine if we don't have it."

'The roof needs icing.'

'I don't care if it's a little storage room for King Tut, you still need a building permit and contractor's license.'

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

Nuclear waste.

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

"Homes on Holmes"

'Business is booming.' - at Uncle Bert's Explosives

Job Safety - Hardhat.

'I don't care how you do it...just make it look like an accident.'

'My building inspector just doesn't understand me.'