Home Inspection Gifts

'You'll need to put these on before the inspection.'

"Homes on Holmes"

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Biofelineism

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

Yardless: Please help

Man using to much bug spray

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

'I found the termites!'

There is nothing more satisfying that peeling the film off a brand new building.

Fuel bill gone through the roof

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"The trees are laughing at us."

Ernie likes to fix things around the house. Just today he's fixed two sandwiches, three sundaes, and some microwave brownies.

'The roof needs icing.'

'I don't care if it's a little storage room for King Tut, you still need a building permit and contractor's license.'

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

The household cavalry

'It's not so much the distance to your proposed house site, but that I'm not familiar with your planet's building codes.'

Timber preservation

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

'My building inspector just doesn't understand me.'

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

'Oh no. Another major code violation decision.'