Inspection Gifts

'As I always say, 'If at first you don't get a passing building inspection report, get mad and tear it up.''

"Office of quality assurance"

"Hello?- Anyone here?"

'We don't want to interfere to much, just a couple of things...what you do and how you do it!'

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

"Homes on Holmes"

'Oh no. Another major code violation decision.'

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

'We couldn't find anything wrong with your car, so all you owe us is for 2 hours of search.'

'Bad news, fellas... it's inventory time.'

'Quicker to cycle anyway, mate...'

"Eating the mistakes is a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

'The food inspector, Sir!'

Think Zero Defects

"She says she's from Quality Control. We've failed the furniture inspection."

Safety Pin

'You'll need to put these on before the inspection.'

"The inspector's not getting older. He's getting odder."

"I'm sorry sir, we are now closed."

'He was using eggplant - another tragic case of apple pie fraud.'

Pole Dancing Every Night: 'It's one of the perks of being a weights and measures inspector.'

MOT Emissions Test: Pass/Fail.

'They say he's toughest inspector around.'

"There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have trouble with those in the back yard."

'I do not change the building codes every week. I do it every other week.'

'I thought YOU reinforced the concrete!'

'I'm checking for rust.'

'... And as you're a health and safety officer, we'll rule out anyone who says they 'like to live dangerously'.'

'It says: 'Inspected by No. 23'.'

"Where are the fire exits?"

'I haven't found anything wrong yet, but it's OK for you to go ahead and worry a bit longer.'

'Hello, Trading Standards...I've taken delivery of goods that may not be genuine.'

"Do your plumb lines meet the British standard?" "The Damsons or the Victoria?"