Inspection Guru Gifts

'I'm checking for rust.'

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

"It's not the first time he'd been warned about wearing a long tie when leaning over the shredder."

"I see you've security marked your property."

'Well, Scout Smith, escort the little old lay across the street.'

'I asked if you were affiliated with an HMO not a UFO.'

"Don't forget to put some sunscreen on your tongue."

AI Safety Officer

'Let's try it once without the parachute.'

'According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything.'

'Oops! Sorry! I should've said, 'buckle your seat belts'!'

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

"The sky looks blue because your protective lenses are tinted, dear."

"Geoffrey's a bit worried about lyme disease."

I'm organizing the house. Can I help? Do you have any storage bins for stuff we don't use very often? Hold on. I have just the thing! Thanks, mom.

Job Safety - Hardhat.

'I'm sorry, but you have a very impressive resume, and at this company, we find competence threatening.'

The Hive, Inc. Think safety! 17 days without a honey boo-boo.

'Ick! -- I'd never vote for anybody with hair like THAT!'

"He says: If they're smart enough to hire a top lawyer and sue us for having wet floors then they're smart enough to look where they're *%&$* going..."

'Any recommendations besides these report cards saying you work well with others?'

Atlas carrying Earth about to slip on banana peel.

'The surgery is expensive. We'll have to numb you from the wallet down.'

Nice park. . .

Beware of Everything

"Office of quality assurance"

'How long do we have to get in compliance?'

'There's no need for confusion. Part 935 of Mining Regulation 823, Section 323 in Article L clearly states . . . '

'We're looking for someone who can multitask - but not during the interview.'

Heavy-duty, super-capacity, two speeds, 10 cycles. All of them vicious.

'Why not Google it?'

Safest Airline in The World

"Aaaughhh! Don't play with that!"