Home Inspection Prints

'You'll need to put these on before the inspection.'

"Homes on Holmes"

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

Biofelineism

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

Yardless: Please help

Man using to much bug spray

'I found the termites!'

There is nothing more satisfying that peeling the film off a brand new building.

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'White smoke means she decided what to cook. Black smoke means it's done.'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

'I just finished the floors, so they better stay clean!'

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"The trees are laughing at us."

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

'The roof needs icing.'

'I don't care if it's a little storage room for King Tut, you still need a building permit and contractor's license.'

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

The household cavalry

Timber preservation

'It's not so much the distance to your proposed house site, but that I'm not familiar with your planet's building codes.'

"Ma'am, you don't have an ant problem. They're coffee grounds."

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

'My building inspector just doesn't understand me.'

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

House proud woman vacuums hair from dog.

'Oh no. Another major code violation decision.'

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."