Reality Checkers Gifts

'Don't give up the day job...'

The back of the Taj Mahal.

"...No, he can't really fly...No, the bad guys really don't have a ray gun...no, this cereal really isn't the best food in the whole world...no, it won't make you as strong as a giant..."

Cost of living - 'Thank God we're dead.'

'Doc, I think I've made some great progress. We can stop treatment as I'm no longer delusional!' 'You don't say... well, don't you think you should check with me, your imaginary doctor, first?'

'This study suggests that pessimists are a whole lot better at judging the true state of affairs than optimists...'

'I see what you're saying, Doctor. My illness is imaginary, and so are you.'

"At least we have a roof over our heads."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"...I don't believe in the past or the future. I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight?"

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

Skeptic: Critical Thinking, Facts, Debunking.

There are dreams...And then there's reality...

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

'Apparently, wild hopes and dreams, re-enacted by Barbie and Ken, are no substitute for a solid business plan.'

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

"This says you should expect to spend six months and at least $800 building the perfect lowrider bike."

"Do you ever wish you lived in a different era, Randy?" "Well… every waking moment I wish I were living before the beginning of existence itself. So I could witness the Big Bang." "It's safer to keep me where I am. Injecting my advanced virility into more primitive eras could have disastrous effects on the timeline." "That way I could know for sure whether our universe is all just one big simulation running on some geek's computer." "I mean, everything being made up of atoms and math is

"We've managed to eliminate every problem except the public perception that we're heading in the wrong direction."

Since I took command of the company, I have steered a steady course.

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

"I believe you were complaining about your cold this morning."

'Perhaps you've been 'lovin it' a bit too much?'

"Starting at a new agency can be overwhelming. Let me show you around."

'Yeah? Well... bite me! No... wait!'

Psychiatrist. She said she could help get me in touch with reality or boost my self-esteem but not both.

"Maybe you should be depressed, your life isn't that great."

"You can make your life any way you want it. Don't let your thoughts limit your future. It is possible to achieve your dreams!"

"I've been living vicariously through a really boring person."

'The more successful I become, the less money I make.'

'Actually, the bill is part of your reality therapy.'