Corporate Reality Checkers Gifts

'Our corporate culture is simple. We hire energetic young folks like you, then exploit them with low wages, long hours and mind-numbing projects until there's nothing left but dried-up shells of existential regret.'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

"Someone, call the office and see if we can get a fresh carrot."

Skeptic: Critical Thinking, Facts, Debunking.

There are dreams...And then there's reality...

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'Apparently, wild hopes and dreams, re-enacted by Barbie and Ken, are no substitute for a solid business plan.'

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

'I've fired the entire company except you, Jerkins. You'll have more work without pay, but you do have job security.'

"This says you should expect to spend six months and at least $800 building the perfect lowrider bike."

Since I took command of the company, I have steered a steady course.

"We've managed to eliminate every problem except the public perception that we're heading in the wrong direction."

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

Psychiatrist. She said she could help get me in touch with reality or boost my self-esteem but not both.

"Accounts say that we can't afford to buy staff loyalty but we might be able to rent it."

"You can make your life any way you want it. Don't let your thoughts limit your future. It is possible to achieve your dreams!"

"I believe you were complaining about your cold this morning."

'Perhaps you've been 'lovin it' a bit too much?'

'Yeah? Well... bite me! No... wait!'

"Starting at a new agency can be overwhelming. Let me show you around."

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

'Don't give up the day job...'

'The more successful I become, the less money I make.'

'Actually, the bill is part of your reality therapy.'

"We need to reduce our overheads."

'I think that's enough enlightenment for now Tim!'

"It looked better when I saw it on Instagram."

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

"Everybody says this is an awesome company to work for once you get through the probationary period!"

The back of the Taj Mahal.