Retail Reality Checker Gifts

The customer is always right, but that fact has no standing in law.

"This part is a special order. It'll take three weeks to get here."

"We need to reduce our overheads."

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

Omar Khayyam Meets Trader Joe

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

Skeptic: Critical Thinking, Facts, Debunking.

"I'm part of the problem and loving it!"

There are dreams...And then there's reality...

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'Apparently, wild hopes and dreams, re-enacted by Barbie and Ken, are no substitute for a solid business plan.'

Sign on a sale bin at a bookstore that reads "Latte-Damaged Books".

Since I took command of the company, I have steered a steady course.

"The boss is mad at me. I did something really, really dumb today!"

"Do you ever wish you lived in a different era, Randy?" "Well… every waking moment I wish I were living before the beginning of existence itself. So I could witness the Big Bang." "It's safer to keep me where I am. Injecting my advanced virility into more primitive eras could have disastrous effects on the timeline." "That way I could know for sure whether our universe is all just one big simulation running on some geek's computer." "I mean, everything being made up of atoms and math is

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

"We've managed to eliminate every problem except the public perception that we're heading in the wrong direction."

"This says you should expect to spend six months and at least $800 building the perfect lowrider bike."

"Class, welcome back Sean ... who, you may recall, was lost for eight days in Home Depot."

'Yeah? Well... bite me! No... wait!'

Psychiatry. I know I've lost touch with reality, but in my defense, reality started it.

'Perhaps you've been 'lovin it' a bit too much?'

Psychiatrist. She said she could help get me in touch with reality or boost my self-esteem but not both.

"You can make your life any way you want it. Don't let your thoughts limit your future. It is possible to achieve your dreams!"

'Don't give up the day job...'

'Sale' 'Your money back if we feel like it'

'The more successful I become, the less money I make.'

'Actually, the bill is part of your reality therapy.'

"We will indeed be facing numerous enraged customers."

The back of the Taj Mahal.

"Attention, shoppers. We have a lost boomer at the information desk."

"It looked better when I saw it on Instagram."

'I think that's enough enlightenment for now Tim!'