Inheritance Inspector Gifts

"This will surely be disappointing to many meek people. The legacy has been successfully contested, and it is now the arrogant who are to inherit the earth."

Cat and dog at a will reading.

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

Estate Sale! All the stuff my kids said they don't want to inherit.

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"The good news is that you inherit Mr. Brumble's entire estate, Miss Finster. The bad news is that he owes an outstanding balance to your plastic surgeon!"

'Someday, son, this will all be yours...to give to the IRS, thanks to the back taxes I owe.'

'I'd say that was just the thing to wear on a visit to an 80-year old uncle in Texas who's going to leave you five million dollars.'

Tonight's Lecture: Contesting the Will. It's going to be about either inheritance law or who really wrote Shakespeare's plays.

'One of these days this will all be yours and by then it should be making a profit.'

'One day, son, all this willy be yours...only by then it will have grown and grown...to hundreds of billions...it's called the cost of PFI.'

Mother and child riding a DNA rollercoaster.

God changes His will.

"One day son, all this will probably belong to some little floozy you'll marry."

"As you all know your dear deceased Aunt Bessie was a very devoted cat lover...."

'...and someday this will all be yours, Son.'

'I hereby leave all my debts and overdrafts to the IRS. . .'

She's leaving me all her money.'

"My father was a very succesful man. He left me enough money that I could marry an idiot."

Yes. This is definitely a house. The Housing Authority closes another tough case.

"Sorry, I don't need Life Insurance. Do you mind if I ask who does your marketing research?"

Now I'll read your father's 6th will and testament, which I'm sure you know may change a few more times.

'I'll read the will.' - 'I don't like the look of this.'

'From January to May, I work for the government to pay for my income tax and from May to October to pay for my malpractice insurance.'

"Your uncle wanted the title to his 'last will and testament' changed to 'last laugh'."

'Forget it, sonny. My power of attorney is all sorted out.'