Inheritance Analyst Gifts

"It's good news Mr. meek - according to this, you HAVE actually inherited the Earth...!"

Cat and dog at a will reading.

'Tiddles has left everything to an old folks' home.'

'He's refusing to die as a protest against Inheritance Tax.'

"I'm afraid he left everything to charity... Oh, I see. I take it your name's Charity?"

"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."

Estate Sale! All the stuff my kids said they don't want to inherit.

'Don't worry about making your will, Miss Moneybags leave everything to me. . .'

"...and the asparagus this evening is delightful. It's been simmering all day in the tears of the poor."

"There's no need for your kitty to be envious. After state and federal taxes and legal administrative fees, Chessy's share of Aunt Martha's estate came to hardly anything."

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

'Your uncle donated his brain to Harvard and, unfortunately, they used it to figure out a way to get the rest of his money.'

"According to his will, he wants his outstanding debts to be shared equally between the three of you."

"New money, Bobby, is old money that got away."

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'You say voters in many areas can't relate to me?'

"The good news is that you inherit Mr. Brumble's entire estate, Miss Finster. The bad news is that he owes an outstanding balance to your plastic surgeon!"

'Someday, son, this will all be yours...to give to the IRS, thanks to the back taxes I owe.'

Law Offices. Ernie's client left his fortune to his dog, and his cat is contesting the will.

'I'd say that was just the thing to wear on a visit to an 80-year old uncle in Texas who's going to leave you five million dollars.'

Mother and child riding a DNA rollercoaster.

Tonight's Lecture: Contesting the Will. It's going to be about either inheritance law or who really wrote Shakespeare's plays.

"Unless you really don't like one of your children, it's best to leave your debt divided equally between them."

'One of these days this will all be yours and by then it should be making a profit.'

'I like to use the Law as a jumping off point.'

'One day, son, all this willy be yours...only by then it will have grown and grown...to hundreds of billions...it's called the cost of PFI.'

Vote GOP: 'Lowering taxes for the rich creates jobs, in the huge demand for security guards!'

God changes His will.

"One day son, all this will probably belong to some little floozy you'll marry."

'...and someday this will all be yours, Son.'

"As you all know your dear deceased Aunt Bessie was a very devoted cat lover...."

She's leaving me all her money.'

"My father was a very succesful man. He left me enough money that I could marry an idiot."

'Excluding our little granddaughter who called me 'orrible old smellypops!'

Now I'll read your father's 6th will and testament, which I'm sure you know may change a few more times.