Trigger-happy Jokester Pillows

"You gotta hold onto those things fellas. Gun control. We need gun control."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Of course they're permanent. I'm an artist."

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

Pelobong

Men dancing

Leaving cards.

"Hey Alexa, make it nice and easy for hackers to keep tabs on everything I do and influence my voting intentions."

Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep and with the sun if I've found death, please excuse my morning breath.

'You're allowed to pick up the ball before it stops rolling, you know.'

"Nice try, Frank. Mother is still coming for the weekend."

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'But seriously, folks... Who knows how many blondes it takes to screw in my latest invention?'

"Your Covid-19 Test Results Are In..."

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

'Hello? Animal control?'

'Life size enlargements done here.' - 'Do my pictures of the pyramids please.'

'And that one painted and forgot to close the curtains.'

Celebrity Clown Rehab: 'And so how does that make you feel, Chuckles?'

'Tender and Juicy.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'Alan, it's the 11th hole, and that Tiger Woods mask isn't intimidating us...'

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

"Doctor I think I'm a moth..."

Pantomimes Are Lousy Painters. . .

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

I laughed so hard that milk came out my nose.

"An olive or a twist?"

Summer Reading