Trick-or-treat Jokester Pillows

"Merry Christmas"

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

Do you think room service could bring me an ice lolly?

Bug hanging up stockings

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

Cat Waits For Mouse To Come And Kiss Under The Mistletoe

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Men dancing

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Rudolph the brown-nosed reindeer.

Don't you yell at him, he couldn't remember where he buried you!

'Now dear, it may be Thanksgiving, but stop referring to your aunt's gallbladder as a giblet.'

Elf of the Month

'I hate it when he's in one of his silly festive moods.'

"Maybe this year..."

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Take a shower first. You smell like a chimney."

Santa Elevator

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

C is for Cracker

'This next song is called Reindeer farts in my face all night.'

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

'Het Dad, I don't need a bike from Santa anymore. I just found one behind your wardrobe!'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

"Guess what the elves told me? The North Pole is made out of candy!"

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'