Jokester Who Loves Surprises Pillows

Scuba Diver gets his hand pinched by a crab.

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Merry Christmas"

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

Men dancing

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

"You never giggle and read cartoon captions to me anymore."

"Maybe this year..."

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

Elf of the Month

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

'Lift off, we have lift off...'

Acme Flyswatters.

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

C is for Cracker

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

"'Ere -what's YOUR problem...?"

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

"Can you tell the class how you spell Albuquerque?"

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

"Want to put the house on the market so we clean it?"

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."