Jokester Who Loves Surprises Pillows

Scuba Diver gets his hand pinched by a crab.

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Fleas Navidad.

"Merry Christmas"

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

'I can't believe I'm pretending to be 55 already...'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

Men dancing

"You never giggle and read cartoon captions to me anymore."

'Every pacemaker recipient is required to carry jumper cables...'

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

'Lift off, we have lift off...'

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Maybe this year..."

Elf of the Month

'Todd don't be such a clown...'

"Apparently, I'm fun, but I'm no fun in bed."

Acme Flyswatters.

'Your dad only works one day a week but mine only works ONE day a year!'

'Okay Dad, time to unwind.'

"'Ere -what's YOUR problem...?"

C is for Cracker

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

"Can you tell the class how you spell Albuquerque?"

During a respite in union negotiations, simmering tensions boil over as some disgruntled members of the toymakers elf union take matters in their own hands.

'I understand that you only use your vehicle once a year, Mr. Claus, but you drive over a million miles that night. That's why your premium is so high.'

"Want to put the house on the market so we clean it?"

'As I feared, the X-ray shows that you are crying inside.'

Easter Island heads bunny ears.