Jokester With A Taste For Irony Pillows

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

Leaving cards.

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

Nelson.

"I think we have an ant problem"

'Tender and Juicy.'

The little rascal! He knows we're watching him and that he's safe next to his warren, so he's mooning us!

"It was worth a try."

'And that one painted and forgot to close the curtains.'

Coulda Woulda Shoulda.

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."

'Would you mind blowing into this bag Sir?'

'We're having the whole place done over in pistachio!'

"If we were really best friends, you would be fetching my slippers once in awhile."

'Okay, we'll release one hostage, for six weeks!!'

"An olive or a twist?"

'If Michelangelo Was a Cartoonist.'

Summer Reading

Pantomimes Are Lousy Painters. . .

'Good morning, 'DICTIONARIES' department for, like, Similes.'

"Today, class, I'm proud to announce my tenure."

"There is no complaint department, Robert."

"He can't be very good, look at his face."

'Question number one: Does your wife ask you questions from women's magazines?'

'It's just a bit of pond weed tied to my bottom but it makes me feel so much younger!'

Too-Humble Pie.