Trial Marriage Gifts

'The trial marriage was going okay, until a surprise witness showed up.'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

I love Lawyers

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Bailiff."

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Mr. McMurdo has been called 'guilty as the day is long.' And yet, do not biblical scholars tell us a day can mean many things?"

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'There's an app you can program to delete your trash? I've had one for years called Dave.'

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

The Sleeping Congregation.

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'He started it!'

"George is fluent in two languages. English and total nonsense."

"Let me tell you, folks—I've been around long enough to develop an instinct for these things, and my client is innocent or I'm very much mistaken."

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.