Third Marriage Gifts

Hernia clinic: 'You either have to quit getting married, or quit carrying your new bride over the threshold!'

"Look, will you forget about them? They're in the past. The important thing is what I feel now – about you!"

"Third marriage."

"Do you, Meredith, better known as Wife Number Three, take this man. . ."

'He's not my granddad, he's my father by his third marriage.'

"She's planning a big wedding, and why not. You only get married for the third time once."

'It's his second marriage and her third.'

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

Understanding The Other Side, Whether Men, Women, or Mice.

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

"Maybe the unseen hand of the market will change the diaper."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

Couple who have confused their baby's pram and the lawn mower.

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

What an afternoon. Rudy, listen to me. It didn't mean anything. You can't play Xbox 360 all afternoon with a guy and pretend it means nothing. I was drunk! You loved it - all of it. The racing and arcade games, the first-person shooters, but especially ... No ... WWF Wrestling Smackdown. I'm a married woman!

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

"The best thing about our relationship is that we keep growing together."

'There's an app you can program to delete your trash? I've had one for years called Dave.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

'What makes you think I want a trophy wife?'

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

"This could be the marriage all our other marriages were for!"

"First, I'll read the minutes from your last weddings."

'I thought you said you wanted to spoon me!'

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

"It's only fair. He has a man cave."