Third Wife Gifts

'Okay, my stepfather, but do I need to honour my dad's 3rd wife? They were only married 90 days.'

Shepherd and eurydice

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Butterfly Woman

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

Larry's used art

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

Gender Equality

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

"We've made great progress!"

International Women's Day

'That's it then - I'll take the slinky high-heeled cocktail number in a 5 and the everyday workshoe in a 7...'

It's a Whole Field of Paisley!

"Talk nerdy to me."

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

Demure lady with gloves

"Stephen and I are today's special."

A woman standing beside a stove full of steaming pots and pans.

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

Lady of the Cake.

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

'Sparky, fetch me an impudent little chardonnay.'

Lesbian civil partnership.