Navigating Multiple Marriages Gifts

Polygamist

"You'd think he hated music by the way he tortures it."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

'It was romantic before we had kids. Build some stairs.'

"This could be the marriage all our other marriages were for!"

"Well, your feng shui isn't my feng shui."

'What makes you think I want a trophy wife?'

'They were going to get married when they were young, but he kept forgetting the wedding date!'

"When I take your arm Charlene, there's no need to flex."

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

"Sure, I'd get married again, but who wants a she-wolf with two adopted children?"

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

'I bet you could walk down the aisle blindfolded now,eh,Gloria?'

Cricketer goes for marriage guidance

'How about June? -- I've always had June weddings!'

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

Kindly readers, our resident counselor, Sadie Cohen, will be answering actual questions sent to her via email. Prepare to get an earful of wisdom! Dr. Sadie, I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman who I wish to marry but am still reeling from my first marriage scares me. How do I get over that fear? Signed, Fearful in Salt Lake City. Fear is a worthless emotion. It doesn't help at all. What you should be feeling is terror. Run for your life.

"I never thought I'd get married again."

'My parents are out bonding at an annuities seminar. Would you like to leave a message?'

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

'And will you take this man to the cleaners....'

Cyber Fight

'Carl still has that new husband smell.'

Henry, sire, do you think having you're wife's name tattooed on your chest is a good idea?

'Happy anniversary! It's a season pass for us to go to marriage counseling.'

'Yes, I would like to go on a second honeymoon, provided it was with my second husband!'

'I fail to see the equality here. You have eight cats and I only have Casper.'

"It's time to bring in the wax begonias and your mother."

"O.K., class, next we'll pound out the dough until that ungrateful, self-centered son of a bitch realizes he's not the center of the world, and maybe, just maybe, he doesn't deserve an attractive, well-educated woman with a wonderful sense of humor."

'What did I say to annoy you? I may want to say it again.'

"Look, will you forget about them? They're in the past. The important thing is what I feel now – about you!"

'Last week I got a lovely watch for my wife!'

"Melanie, this is my husband, Greg, and Greg's jacket from a previous marriage."

The Gayhorns

We should talk...