Trial Marriage Pillows

'The trial marriage was going okay, until a surprise witness showed up.'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

I love Lawyers

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Bailiff."

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

"Mr. McMurdo has been called 'guilty as the day is long.' And yet, do not biblical scholars tell us a day can mean many things?"

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

The Sleeping Congregation.

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

"The best thing about our relationship is that we keep growing together."

'There's an app you can program to delete your trash? I've had one for years called Dave.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'He started it!'

"That settles it. I'm moving for a retrial."

"Let me tell you, folks—I've been around long enough to develop an instinct for these things, and my client is innocent or I'm very much mistaken."

'I thought you said you wanted to spoon me!'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.