Trial Pillows

"My client got twenty years, yet he paid me in full. It just shows the system works."

CRIMINAL COURT, 'Don't you just HATE it when they show no emotion?'

'I think you should just plead ignorance, it's so. . . credible.'

'I robbed the bank because you can't win if you don't play!'

'We haven't reached a verdict, your honor, but we have decided where to go for lunch.'

"This case poses a very difficult choice... I know, coin toss!"

Trial by Media

I love Lawyers

"Bailiff."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"You can't plead cute."

"Mr. McMurdo has been called 'guilty as the day is long.' And yet, do not biblical scholars tell us a day can mean many things?"

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'He started it!'

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"That settles it. I'm moving for a retrial."

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

"Let me tell you, folks—I've been around long enough to develop an instinct for these things, and my client is innocent or I'm very much mistaken."

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."