On Trial Pillows

'Your problem is that you look guilty.'

Trial by Media

I love Lawyers

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

"Bailiff."

"You can't plead cute."

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"Mr. McMurdo has been called 'guilty as the day is long.' And yet, do not biblical scholars tell us a day can mean many things?"

"Never mind what I did, Your Honor. I want to be judged for who I am, as an individual."

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"Just one more outburst and I can have this chicken tenderized."

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

'He started it!'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'You were convicted by the jury, but at least you were acquitted by the media.'

"Let me tell you, folks—I've been around long enough to develop an instinct for these things, and my client is innocent or I'm very much mistaken."

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"That settles it. I'm moving for a retrial."

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

"I object, Your Honor! This line of questioning is really weird."

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

Counsel's Opinion.

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

"This jury may not be swayed by any defense that relies on emotion."

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

Two lawyers in a royal court