Trial Comic Gifts

'I'm not kidding....my client is really insane!'

"Bailiff."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

"Repeat after me..."

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

''Not guilty'? -- oh, in denial, are we?'

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

'My client would like to enter a plea of inanity.'

Supremacist Court

Disorder in the Court!

'and for pushing your umbrella button in a VERY crowded elevator.'

'You have an over reactive gagging reflex.'

'Exhibit A: the oxygen tube that came loose the night she died. You were there that night. You wanted to play then, too.'

"It make syou kind of proud to be helping to build this giant new hospital doesn't it!!"

"My client demands a jury trial."

'We need further instruction, your honor. Does a full house beat a straight?'

". . . and that's the story of why you should find this defendant. . . GUILTY!"

I rest my case, your honor, in celebration of "Casual Defense Friday." ! !

"Guilty times infinity."

"My client got twenty years, yet he paid me in full. It just shows the system works."

"Your Honor, it was a lot for any jury to be expected to believe...but we fell for it."

"Psst! If you have any stock tips to pass on, I can probably lighten your sentence for insider trading."

'Clearly my client would be slim, healthy and attractive if MacBurger had adequately warned him of the dangers of eating every scrap of food in their restaurant.'

"Hi, I'm your court-appointed lawyer-whoa! Don't tell me you've been executed already."

'He's competent in every regard, except to stand trial.'

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

"Isn't it enough that I know the truth?"

'If you don't stay seated, I'll have to use my pop-up blocker.'

'Are you capable of distinguishing right from wrong?', 'Can you give me a hint?'