Trial Humor Gifts

Good news, Bob: I think I have an excellent chance of getting you a second trial. Don

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

A baby in court

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"Repeat after me..."

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

I hate these he shed, she shed cases.

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

Disorder in the Court!

"The transformation is pretty bad, but the worst part is filling out the paperwork for the adverse events."

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

'Ladies and Gentlemen of the press- what is your verdict...?'

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

"Guilty times infinity."

'My client is requesting a little more wiggle room,your Honor.'