Trial Humor Gifts

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

A baby in court

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

"Repeat after me..."

"The Defendant must stop trying to side-step every question the prosecution asks!"

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

'Remember, don't discuss the case with the jurors.'

Disorder in the Court!

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"The transformation is pretty bad, but the worst part is filling out the paperwork for the adverse events."

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."

'Ladies and Gentlemen of the press- what is your verdict...?'

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

'My client is requesting a little more wiggle room,your Honor.'

"So, I’d love for us to think of this as less of a trial and more of a curated trial experience."

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"