Comic Litigant Gifts

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Women's Martial Arts Center

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Our class-action suit covers any carbon-based life forms.'

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

Humpty Dumpty Had a Great Lawyer

'I'm not kidding....my client is really insane!'

'Well, if you DNA made you do it, I'm sentencing your DNA to thirty years in prison.'

'As a patient I'm glad because the doctor cured me. As a lawyer I'm sad because there's no reason to sue that guy.'

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

'I think your best bet is to hang yourself in your cell.'

Chemical Lawyers.

Your honor, my client is a very proud man. He's much too proud to confess to murder, and he's much too proud to beg for mercy. However, he's willing to offer the court a non-denial and a rude hand gesture. Where can we go with this?

'Promise to tell the truth, including the parts you'd prefer to keep for an upcoming book or movie deal?'

"Let me know when you want the paint stirred, love."

Ski cannon.

"Forgive Edmund, it's like this everywhere we go! Evertime he hears a siren....lawyer, you know!"

"I find in favour of Aggie's Day Care. Defendant is ordered to sit in the corner for one hour."

Dicorce lawyer: 'I can't promise you custody of your money. But I'll make darn sure you get full visitation rights!'

'I told you not to argue with the ref, Dewey.'

'Joan, now you've gone and upset our aggressor... by laughing at him!'

"I know what Ally McBeal would do."

"I believe everyone, straight or gay, should have the chance to marry - since I'm a divorce attorney."

Court. Yes, you get a "free trial," but here that doesn't mean you can choose to just opt out at any time.

'We find him guilty... but hey... we could be wrong!'

'I had just eaten a square meal!'

In and Out Trays of Mumbo and Jumbo.

Worm complaints desk

"And what damages are you suing for?"

Your wife can't testify against you, Well 3 of mine just did.

Your honor, is there a legal precedent for a lawyer seeing a witness in a judge's chambers?

Death never accounted for Mrs O'Grady's handbag.

"Kung Flu Fighting."

"Hi Mom - Did you get my subpoena?"