Comedy-loving Litigant Gifts

"We couldn't get any surprise witnesses, but I booked Jay Leno to tell a few jokes on your behalf."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'First, I'd like to list the mitigating circumstances.'

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

'Let's agree to disagree.'

"In my client's defence, the label on the bottle clearly read, 'rat poison'...not 'people poison'."

"Let's take in a trial."

"I thought I'd try a Marie Antoinette for a change."

Clive Anderson

"Love is grand... divorce is a hundred grand."

'I've never sued anyone but I bet I'll be good at it.'

No offense intended your honor…It just seemed like this case screamed for a frivolous law suit…

He was good. Real good.

'Do you think I would even be here if my client were guilty?'

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

"Objection over-ruled Counselor! Proceed to the clearly marked Fire Exit, if you follow my meaning."

'I object to the prosecution calling my client a liar. The witness is merely fact-based reality challenged.'

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

'He tripped over a pavement sign that said 'Have you had an accident that wasn't your fault?' So he called the number and sued them'

Humpty Dumpty Had a Great Lawyer

"You want the truth, the whole truth, or nothing but the truth?"

'Your Honor, I'd like to cite the precedent of 'Alien vs. Predator'....'

"Isn't it enough that I know the truth?"

"Please read back that last remark in a more murdery voice."

"We need two crates of lager and a bottle of scotch."

'We find for the defendant, but we're really not too crazy about his claim.'