Comic Litigant Pillows

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Women's Martial Arts Center

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'Our class-action suit covers any carbon-based life forms.'

"We the jury, find the defendant to be as guilty as he looks."

'I'm not kidding....my client is really insane!'

'As a patient I'm glad because the doctor cured me. As a lawyer I'm sad because there's no reason to sue that guy.'

'Well, if you DNA made you do it, I'm sentencing your DNA to thirty years in prison.'

'I'm afraid I'll have to sentence you to five years, but you have been a beautiful defendant.'

'I think your best bet is to hang yourself in your cell.'

'Promise to tell the truth, including the parts you'd prefer to keep for an upcoming book or movie deal?'

Chemical Lawyers.

"Forgive Edmund, it's like this everywhere we go! Evertime he hears a siren....lawyer, you know!"

Ski cannon.

"Let me know when you want the paint stirred, love."

"I find in favour of Aggie's Day Care. Defendant is ordered to sit in the corner for one hour."

Dicorce lawyer: 'I can't promise you custody of your money. But I'll make darn sure you get full visitation rights!'

"I know what Ally McBeal would do."

"I believe everyone, straight or gay, should have the chance to marry - since I'm a divorce attorney."

'Joan, now you've gone and upset our aggressor... by laughing at him!'

'We find him guilty... but hey... we could be wrong!'

'I told you not to argue with the ref, Dewey.'

'I had just eaten a square meal!'

Death never accounted for Mrs O'Grady's handbag.

"Hi Mom - Did you get my subpoena?"

"Kung Flu Fighting."

"And what damages are you suing for?"

Your wife can't testify against you, Well 3 of mine just did.

In and Out Trays of Mumbo and Jumbo.

Worm complaints desk

"We couldn't get any surprise witnesses, but I booked Jay Leno to tell a few jokes on your behalf."