Trendy Café Goer Gifts

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

Just don't let the old man get you down.

Mouse Sidewalk Cafe

"I love blue Martinis. It's like the fifties and the nineties all mixed up together."

Prosecco Drinker

Customers must wash hands after using their laptops.

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

Popeye Switches to Kale.

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

'It's going to be harder to get back than you think. We're now part of a subculture of a counter culture.'

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

'The doctor says I gotta cut back on caffeine. I'd better skip the bottomless cup of coffee today, Phyllis.'

"I wish he'd hurry up. My back's killing me."

"Well, they'd give you a pickle with your coffee if you ordered the Cafe Reuben!"

Solutions Consultant: "In my opinion, the coffee has too much sugar dissolved in it."

"I'm looking for a memorable flavor experience at a forgettable price."

Nature and Fashion Photographer.

Overly pierced man in a lot of pain.

'It's going to be a painful meeting for you, so take a slug of this rot-gut coffee and bite on this #2 pencil.'

Mother Nature's Health Foods

"So what exactly is wrong with the teabag? Nobody else has complained about it!"

"We don't serve food here, we only photograph it..."

'Do as I did - Learn to drink quicker.'

"If you can safeguard this punch card for half a decade, you get a free coffee."

"It's over between kale and me -- I've moved onto sorrel."

Diner Coffee/Coughy

"I plant the kale back there to keep hipsters out of the good stuff!"

"You cheeky little monkey, Stephen, trying to pinch a chip."

When Anteaters Dine Out

"Let's see... I think we'll ignore our food, lick ourselves, then knock these flowers onto the floor."

"You know, I really, really, don't like ethnic restaurants."