Trendy Café Goer Gifts

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

Just don't let the old man get you down.

Mouse Sidewalk Cafe

"I love blue Martinis. It's like the fifties and the nineties all mixed up together."

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

Witches Brew

Customers must wash hands after using their laptops.

Prosecco Drinker

Popeye Switches to Kale.

'Don't look now but it's that guy from Pennsylvania that you dumped,'

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

'It's going to be harder to get back than you think. We're now part of a subculture of a counter culture.'

Two cosa nostra gangsters sipping tea.

'The doctor says I gotta cut back on caffeine. I'd better skip the bottomless cup of coffee today, Phyllis.'

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

"I wish he'd hurry up. My back's killing me."

"Well, they'd give you a pickle with your coffee if you ordered the Cafe Reuben!"

Rudy, how come you're not wearing the new uniform? You were serious? You seriously want me to dress like a robot? Of course I do, minion. My nightly perusal of customers' web searches indicates most of them are feeling a bit antisocial lately. They'd probably buy more coffee from a robot than a human. Oh wait ... new web searches coming in. I'm going to need you to dress like a sexy robot. Very bad man.

"I'm looking for a memorable flavor experience at a forgettable price."

Solutions Consultant: "In my opinion, the coffee has too much sugar dissolved in it."

Nature and Fashion Photographer.

Overly pierced man in a lot of pain.

'It's going to be a painful meeting for you, so take a slug of this rot-gut coffee and bite on this #2 pencil.'

"So what exactly is wrong with the teabag? Nobody else has complained about it!"

'Do as I did - Learn to drink quicker.'

"We don't serve food here, we only photograph it..."

"If you can safeguard this punch card for half a decade, you get a free coffee."

"It's over between kale and me -- I've moved onto sorrel."

Mother Nature's Health Foods

"I plant the kale back there to keep hipsters out of the good stuff!"

Diner Coffee/Coughy

"You cheeky little monkey, Stephen, trying to pinch a chip."

"Let's see... I think we'll ignore our food, lick ourselves, then knock these flowers onto the floor."

"You know, I really, really, don't like ethnic restaurants."