Travel Planning Gifts

"Banking, booking flights, shopping - there's no limit to what he can't do on the internet."

"Do you remember, Peg—are we on our way out or on our way back?"

"I just..."

S**t Creek Raft Rentals: "Sorry, dude, we're out of paddles."

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

You're moving to Canada to avoid getting married? Canada border. I'm not the marrying type. I can't be tied down. I'll feel trapped, ornery, mean and I can't cook! Mexico's lovely this time of year. Hide me in your basement.

What're you doing? Validating an axiom of nature, good sir. Animals are the first to sense impending danger. They flee, while humans linger behind, oblivious to the oncoming calamity. Whatever, I just want to see if it's time for my scheduled nap. Do you have a credit card? Expedia is asking for a credit card.

Go there Travel Agency.

'Don't worry, have a nice holiday, I'll cover for you: Once cockadoodledoo at sunrise, any idiot can do that!'

'To be honest, on our budget, all we can afford is a three day timeshare in a tent...'

Excess Baggage: For many folks, the best part of a vacation is the 'getting ready'.

Tourist and the Right Way

"So, if you could date anyone, who would it be?"

The fate of the emigrant

'I'd say your caravan's a tad overloaded, sir.'

"First class, or with children?"

'I want to visit the very EDGE of civilisation, to explore the BRUTAL shores of natures most REMOTE regions. If you could manage that with a five star hotel and first class travel it would be perfect.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

Grand Canyon. What's so great about the Grand Canyon?...Most of it's missing!

Packed boats of families on a seaside holidays

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

Welcome To New York City...Subject to the following conditions.

"I can't wait for vacation - I'm going to go sun myself in a south-facing window."

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'This vacation, let's go on something OTHER than a power trip.'

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

Excess Baggage: Fans of 'Deregulation' and the 'Free Market' probably have not had to buy a plane ticket recently.

'Next year I'm hiring a tank!'

'My wife is going to kill me. All her shopping coupons are in that lost luggage.'

"I'm afraid there'll be an excess baggage charge on your Filofax."