Travel Planner Gifts

"If you don't get on that plane...there's also the 5:43, then the 9:27, but that's got a layover in Atlanta, then..."

"Jane is busy with her holiday packing list."

"You just wouldn't listen would you? I told you to buy a car, THEN a caravan!"

For the grey nomad, life on the road had its challenges.

'Next year I'm hiring a tank!'

'Okay, let's get started on your trip. . . are you folks really gotta know or just really gotta go?'

'And this is the small print in your travel insurance...'

"Someplace with no dogs."

'We leave for France tomorrow. I just can't wait to visit all those famous museum gift shops!'

'Dad, I need my passport, quickly!'

No Overnight Camping of Caravans.

'Sorry he's unavailable. He's in the middle of Cornwall.'

'It said in the brochure bungy jumping after lunch.'

'No, he can't fly there on his own and meet us at mother's!'

'You're going on a long journey. Have you got an OAP's bus pass?'

'A sea view would be nice-Black Sea for him,Red Sea for me!'

'For the last time, no side trip to Napa Valley!'

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

I haul my own vacation supply... Before the price skyrockets again!

Travel Advice to Dog Owners. . . On those long car trips allow time to stop so he can do his business.

Excess Baggage: If you are worried about your brand-new designer luggage, do not watch them load it on the plane.

"But Anthony, I'm sure you said that we'd be holidaying in the Bahamas this year."

"Have you decided where to travel?"

Trap Advisor

"I was on a flight to heaven but I got bumped."

"Will you be flying through to Toledo, or attempting to leave mid-air?"

You always choose Saga, Grandad. Where is Saga?'

"I think I found a location for our vacation."

"Story boarding our next flight."

"Where should we fly to for our next vacation?"

"I figure the airline will lose my suitcase, so I packed cothes from my donation pile."

S**t Creek Raft Rentals: "Sorry, dude, we're out of paddles."

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

"I told you to read the Guide Book."

A mental-health spot quiz, Al: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single … Google search of travel websites"?