Trail Riding Gifts

Mountain bikes and molehill bikes.

All Roads Go Nowhere.

'I normally don't ride a dirt bike, but my motorcycle doesn't do well on potholes.'

'Relax, it's just like riding a rollercoaster.'

Hither and Yon sign

Sport Utility Boot.

'When I was a Scout, we had to blaze trails without sticky notes.'

Nature Lovers

"Yaffle Pass Elevation 11,990 ft Continental Divide"

'Y'know, this wouldn't keep happening if you learned to load your pack properly.'

"You're not a police dog, and that's not a crime scene."

Man sees half-eaten 'Do Not Feed the Bears' sign

"It's one mile as the crow flies, ten miles as the lost hiker bushwhacks."

Confusing directions.

'When I was a Scout, we had to blaze trails without sticky notes.'

Bear painting signs encouraging people to feed the animals.

"Hey. . . in use!"

Orienteering 101

'Trust me, the deer have been here. I see tracks everywhere... and look! Fresh droppings!'

Tourist is told to go home by a monument

"Much better than those fiddly maps - we need never get lost now!"

'This is where the trail gets a little more challenging.'

Speed enforced by really slow walkers.

'It's the word MODERATE which scares me!'

'Best guide I ever had.'

Deer with Crosscut Saw.

"Let's have a look at that Appalachian trail map again."

'I got the idea from the parks department.'

Tourists

'Says here that if you meet a bear in the woods, never try to outrun it!'

"My GPS says we’re not even close to the trail … and it’s blaming you."

'Now I'm glad I sprained my ankle. The view from up here is beautiful.'

Man sees bird about to drop objects, near sign that reads: 'Beware of Gull Stones'

You dope, that one's for cross-country runners.

"I thought this was a little heavier than usual."