Trail Ranger Gifts

'Don't worry about getting lost, folks. These trails are all well marked. . . if I do say so myself.'

Bear Hugging Season Open

Hither and Yon sign

'Sorry, but I'm arresting you for being in possession of an endangered wild coho salmon.'

"Well, it might not work but at least it smells bad."

"Yaffle Pass Elevation 11,990 ft Continental Divide"

Nature Lovers

'May the forest be with you.'

'Break glass in case of tangled antlers.'

Camping with Mr. Thorough

Hadley finds proof that bears actually don't s**t in the woods.

"Daisy, that fall broke my leg pretty badly. You need to go get help, girl - oh, what a big stretch! Who’s a good stretcher? Daisy’s a good stretcher! What a good girl…"

"The third leading cause of forest fires."

'Y'know, this wouldn't keep happening if you learned to load your pack properly.'

"Feeling that only you can prevent forest fires could be construed as delusions of grandeur."

The Destruction of the Environment

"Wow, listen to that: "Do you have a pioneer spirit? Wolves needed for reintroduction into European National Parks"..."

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

Stephen Harpers's China Diary - Great Wall Tour.

Forest rangers prevent forest fires

Ranger has sign saying 'Do not feed the bears'. Bear crosses out sign to read 'Feed the bears'.

"It's one mile as the crow flies, ten miles as the lost hiker bushwhacks."

'What do you mean that you hacked into Old Faithful's computer so now it's not so faithful?'

Man sees half-eaten 'Do Not Feed the Bears' sign

'I'm sorry, miss. We are planting a forest here, so you'll have to move.'

Sadly, the few who actually checked their e-mail, were too out of shape to run.

Forest Management

"Hmmm. . . Nope, never seen the guy."

Bear painting signs encouraging people to feed the animals.

Confusing directions.

Raccoons! Single file into the crate! Snake! Back in your hole! Crickets! Keep it down! Animal Control Freak.

Do bears take drug tests in the woods?

'I don't mean to discourage you, but go home and play on your own range.'

Forest Ranger enters forest via employee entrance.

Save the Forests!