Toy Commander T-Shirts

Model Nato Afghanistan Army

"I hear you're having trouble keeping up with the rest of your platoon. What seems to be the problem, private?"

Navy games.

Two men at the park, one with a remote control boat and the other with a remote control mine.

"Ramming Speed!"

Director/Action Man toy.

"My hackers just collapsed your country's economy."

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

Upper class child with toy cruise ship.

"Hey, dad. We wanna play army before we go to bed. Can we have our toy medals back?"

Child makes a toy and frightens himself.

"It's a fairy simple procedure. We just take out the dead ones and put in two new ones."

Girl on a giant pair of scissors.

'It's just like any other doll except this one needs hours of therapy to work normally.'

"But I've seen a million wind-up monkeys. Wait! Did you say it bangs on a snare drum?"

'You can fill your teddy bear with stuffing or with a demonic spirit summoned from the nether regions.'

'Interesting. At first, I didn't pick her as dominant.' - Child chairs meeting at Toys Inc.

Remote control Broomstick and Butterfly

"Houston, we have a problem!"

The Santa Myth, 2015 edition

It's more than a mike!

The Allied Toy Company utilizes wind power as part of its green initiative.

Admiral in the bath.

'Please tell me it shoots laser beams out of its eyes.'

"O.K., Saddam, we want a full and accurate accounting of what you've got - or else?"

The Mongolian Steps Slinky Cows.

"So we all love Cuddly Poo, but to cover ourselves, better run it by day care."

"Their kids will be begging for it."

Toy White House built incorrectly.

'You expect me to play with educational toys during SUMMER VACATION?'

''D' is for 'Despair'; 'E' is for 'Exhaustion'.'

"Yeah, work is tough, but nothing compared to coming home and stepping on one of the kids' legos."

'My barbie's got a hot date she needs some slag-rags.'

'Polly wants a machine gun.'

"'Kill you..?' - of course not; I'm making my own Subbuteo game."