Tourist Trap Explorer Gifts

Devil's Tower Park. Ernie, this nice ranger has offered to show us the basement gift shop.

Miniature Railway: Closed for Miniature Engineering Works.

My parents ate New York and all I got was this stupid t-shirt

I love Museum Shops

"A wise choice sir! Aah. . . Da Vinci - a genius of the Renaissance and a man who changed the face of art forever! Would you like that as a bookmark, a pencil sharpener or a fridge magnet. . . ?"

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

The leaning tower of Pizza.

Easter Island Tours. Theories differ. Ernie believes they were used to display a selection of giant wigs.

"Someone switched off the freezer...it's melted."

"Sorry, y'all — no locals. This is a tourists-only bar."

Welcome to a Sleepy Little Town - name available on request.

"Will you read me the part of that pamphlet about the drive-through redwoods again?"

Monster Buskers

"Forty years in this business and you suddenly decide you don't like gimmicky?"

"We saw the Great Wall and lots of pagodas, and I have a transplanted stomach."

Nights in Bath

"Waste of money, I've been here 200 years and never yet seen a monster."

'Natural bridge'

"A banker?! But that means you don't even HAVE a soulll. . . Damn it - for once the human wins."

"Yes, it's that way."

'Damned tourists.'

Professional Grade Cargo Shorts

"I think your Arabic is coming along fine for your trip to Casablanca, with or without the Humphrey Bogart impression."

Cerne Abbas

"Nice little touch of humility!"

Scenic Rout

'You mean this isn't a medieval themed restaurant?'

'Gack! Good lord! This is fresh water taffy!'

Maps To The Homes of Tiger Woods Girlfriends.

Model Upstairs

The Vineyardia

"Let's go someplace awful to avoid the tourists."

"They looked different in the history books."

"Take your photos now folks, we can't get too close..."

'Just how big is this friggin' sand trap?'