Tourist Trap Escapist Gifts

"Let's go someplace awful to avoid the tourists."

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Holiday time.

'I love our hideaway. I only wish we could find it.'

Desert Island BBQ

Ice fisher.

A tourist watches a television on the back of a donkey

Crowded Ice Fishing

He can lean back in contentment on cowslip banks and let everything wash over him.

Fish swimming by fishermen's feet - 'This looks like a safe place.'

'See you in two weeks!'

Devil's Tower Park. Ernie, this nice ranger has offered to show us the basement gift shop.

"To think—this meeting, which turned into the perfect day, filled with spontaneous adventures that will become priceless memories, could have been an e-mail."

"We should have done more to bring all the things we were trying to get away from."

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

Man fishing while aliens invade.

"Let's go back to our cabana, get into bed and shop online."

"So why do I feel like we're being watched?"

"Someone switched off the freezer...it's melted."

'You said you were going to put gas in the RV, and then come right back. You've been gone for a year. Care to explain?'

Blowing up the camping mattress.

"But honey, I've spent my last 30 years pretending to look busy. I can't quit overnight."

"Sorry, y'all — no locals. This is a tourists-only bar."

"I'm sorry to bother you, but by any chance do you happen to have a copy of Baudelaire's Les Fleurs du Mal on your person?"

'Great escapism, Reverend!'

Magic and Rainbows Escape from Book.

Contestants defeated in the ring toss competition head back to the hotel to recharge for a late night nude hot tub partying and 'bootie shakin' erotic cage fetish dancing.

'Now don't forget, polar bears can be sneaky buggers.'

The Wet Fly Man is a more active creature.

'Come back and get me about noon.'

"Will you read me the part of that pamphlet about the drive-through redwoods again?"

"He's in a far better place. It's always nice to spend the winter in Miami."

'Good morning, Ginger! -- Good morning, Mary Ann!'

"Forty years in this business and you suddenly decide you don't like gimmicky?"

'I loved the great outdoors too, however in 2006, I got hooked on tranquilizer darts and here I am!'