Tourist Trap Investigator Gifts

"It's 1:1,000th scale."

"We have all the brochures, but we can't decide if we want to die on Mt. Everest or Mt. McKinley."

"A wise choice sir! Aah. . . Da Vinci - a genius of the Renaissance and a man who changed the face of art forever! Would you like that as a bookmark, a pencil sharpener or a fridge magnet. . . ?"

I love Museum Shops

"The guide book sys it's the best B.&B. in the Carpathians."

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

"I've got a better view on my smart phone."

"Someone switched off the freezer...it's melted."

Product Testing Department

"Sorry, y'all — no locals. This is a tourists-only bar."

Cat reaching his paw into a mouse hole that is rigged with a guillotine; the mouse has many taxidermy cat paws displayed on his wall

"Dad can we stop pushing this backdrop and go on a real vacation?"

"Well Inspector - that little trap you set seems to have worked!"

Up Pariscope.

Nights in Bath

"Forty years in this business and you suddenly decide you don't like gimmicky?"

"We saw the Great Wall and lots of pagodas, and I have a transplanted stomach."

'Damned tourists.'

Professional Grade Cargo Shorts

"I think your Arabic is coming along fine for your trip to Casablanca, with or without the Humphrey Bogart impression."

'Modern technology being what it is, there's a good chance it won't work anyway.'

Maps To The Homes of Tiger Woods Girlfriends.

Model Upstairs

Scenic Rout

'Gack! Good lord! This is fresh water taffy!'

"Let's go someplace awful to avoid the tourists."

The Cornucopia Trap

"Careful, Carruthers, it could be a booby trap!"

"Take your photos now folks, we can't get too close..."

Miniature Railway: Closed for Miniature Engineering Works.

"Does tourism create many jobs in the area?"

"You didn't say 'cheese'!"