Tourist Trap Investigator T-Shirts

"It's 1:1,000th scale."

Halfway across the Hudson River Billy Joe realized he wasn't going to Elvis Island.

"We have all the brochures, but we can't decide if we want to die on Mt. Everest or Mt. McKinley."

I love Museum Shops

"A wise choice sir! Aah. . . Da Vinci - a genius of the Renaissance and a man who changed the face of art forever! Would you like that as a bookmark, a pencil sharpener or a fridge magnet. . . ?"

Devil's Tower Park. Ernie, this nice ranger has offered to show us the basement gift shop.

"The guide book sys it's the best B.&B. in the Carpathians."

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

"I've got a better view on my smart phone."

"Someone switched off the freezer...it's melted."

Product Testing Department

"Sorry, y'all — no locals. This is a tourists-only bar."

Cat reaching his paw into a mouse hole that is rigged with a guillotine; the mouse has many taxidermy cat paws displayed on his wall

"Will you read me the part of that pamphlet about the drive-through redwoods again?"

"Forty years in this business and you suddenly decide you don't like gimmicky?"

Up Pariscope.

"Well Inspector - that little trap you set seems to have worked!"

Nights in Bath

"Dad can we stop pushing this backdrop and go on a real vacation?"

"We saw the Great Wall and lots of pagodas, and I have a transplanted stomach."

'Damned tourists.'

Professional Grade Cargo Shorts

"I think your Arabic is coming along fine for your trip to Casablanca, with or without the Humphrey Bogart impression."

'Modern technology being what it is, there's a good chance it won't work anyway.'

'Gack! Good lord! This is fresh water taffy!'

'You mean this isn't a medieval themed restaurant?'

Maps To The Homes of Tiger Woods Girlfriends.

Scenic Rout

Model Upstairs

"Let's go someplace awful to avoid the tourists."

The Cornucopia Trap

"Careful, Carruthers, it could be a booby trap!"

Miniature Railway: Closed for Miniature Engineering Works.

"Take your photos now folks, we can't get too close..."

"Does tourism create many jobs in the area?"