Tourist Trap Tactician T-Shirts

Model Upstairs

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

Alternative fielding positions

"Memo to self - personalise new work-station."

'He's been hiding out here for 20 years. Apparently, his buddies forgot to tell him the paintball tournament was over.'

"So, then, I guess the Johnsons are feeding our clothes."

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

Unrest Area.

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

'But, I have only one item of hand-luggage... You can't charge me extra...'

"Someone switched off the freezer...it's melted."

"Put away the gummy candies and bring out the apples. The kid's mother is our dentist!"

Safest Airline in The World

"We know you have better treats than raisins...we hacked your supermarket loyalty card."

Human males marking territory.

"Sorry, y'all — no locals. This is a tourists-only bar."

'Boy, look at his personal space!'

"I carefully examine the data for March madness brackets and every year I lose to Anita, who picks by uniform colors."

"3 ounce liquids! Get your 3 ounce liquids here! Approved and ready for screening! 3 ounce liquids!"

"I was sick - sick in Hawaii."

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

'Sir, our sales force has just taken Atlanta.'

"One is a sham bag for my parents to confiscate."

I've left your pin on the map, but I've loosened it.

Halloween. Trick or Treat trophy.

"Forty years in this business and you suddenly decide you don't like gimmicky?"

"We saw the Great Wall and lots of pagodas, and I have a transplanted stomach."

A magician sees his suitcase with swords in it on the luggage conveyor belt.

'The break is over, guys. It's time we got back to our 'Poker Addiction Support Group.''

Up Pariscope.

Golf