Tourist Trap Tactician Gifts

Model Upstairs

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

Alternative fielding positions

“Sweet mother of Marmaduke... no!”

"Memo to self - personalise new work-station."

Devil's Tower Park. Ernie, this nice ranger has offered to show us the basement gift shop.

'He's been hiding out here for 20 years. Apparently, his buddies forgot to tell him the paintball tournament was over.'

Vinnie's Billiards: 'Heck of a break, Ron!'

"So, then, I guess the Johnsons are feeding our clothes."

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

Unrest Area.

'But, I have only one item of hand-luggage... You can't charge me extra...'

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

"Someone switched off the freezer...it's melted."

"Put away the gummy candies and bring out the apples. The kid's mother is our dentist!"

Safest Airline in The World

Human males marking territory.

"Sorry, y'all — no locals. This is a tourists-only bar."

"We know you have better treats than raisins...we hacked your supermarket loyalty card."

'Boy, look at his personal space!'

"I carefully examine the data for March madness brackets and every year I lose to Anita, who picks by uniform colors."

"3 ounce liquids! Get your 3 ounce liquids here! Approved and ready for screening! 3 ounce liquids!"

"Can we have all of your candy, a dog biscuit and a smoke for my cat friend here?"

"Will you read me the part of that pamphlet about the drive-through redwoods again?"

"I was sick - sick in Hawaii."

'No sir, we're not boarding a flight. My teacher just needs to check my homework in my my dog Sam here, if it wouldn't be too much trouble.'

I've left your pin on the map, but I've loosened it.

"One is a sham bag for my parents to confiscate."

'Sir, our sales force has just taken Atlanta.'

Golf

Halloween. Trick or Treat trophy.

A magician sees his suitcase with swords in it on the luggage conveyor belt.

"Forty years in this business and you suddenly decide you don't like gimmicky?"

"We saw the Great Wall and lots of pagodas, and I have a transplanted stomach."

'The break is over, guys. It's time we got back to our 'Poker Addiction Support Group.''