Tourist Trap Explorer Pillows

Miniature Railway: Closed for Miniature Engineering Works.

My parents ate New York and all I got was this stupid t-shirt

"A wise choice sir! Aah. . . Da Vinci - a genius of the Renaissance and a man who changed the face of art forever! Would you like that as a bookmark, a pencil sharpener or a fridge magnet. . . ?"

I love Museum Shops

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

The leaning tower of Pizza.

"Someone switched off the freezer...it's melted."

"Sorry, y'all — no locals. This is a tourists-only bar."

Welcome to a Sleepy Little Town - name available on request.

"Forty years in this business and you suddenly decide you don't like gimmicky?"

Monster Buskers

"We saw the Great Wall and lots of pagodas, and I have a transplanted stomach."

Nights in Bath

"Waste of money, I've been here 200 years and never yet seen a monster."

'Natural bridge'

"Yes, it's that way."

"A banker?! But that means you don't even HAVE a soulll. . . Damn it - for once the human wins."

'Damned tourists.'

Professional Grade Cargo Shorts

Cerne Abbas

"I think your Arabic is coming along fine for your trip to Casablanca, with or without the Humphrey Bogart impression."

"Nice little touch of humility!"

Maps To The Homes of Tiger Woods Girlfriends.

Scenic Rout

'Gack! Good lord! This is fresh water taffy!'

Model Upstairs

The Vineyardia

"Let's go someplace awful to avoid the tourists."

"They looked different in the history books."

"Take your photos now folks, we can't get too close..."

"You didn't say 'cheese'!"

'Get the staff together, take off your shoes and stamp some grapes. Tourists are here.'

'Just how big is this friggin' sand trap?'