Tourist Trap Adventurer Pillows

Holiday time.

"No luggage to check - I just have this carry on."

"Boy, that's what I call a maze."

My parents ate New York and all I got was this stupid t-shirt

"Didn't you just say that?"

I love Museum Shops

"A wise choice sir! Aah. . . Da Vinci - a genius of the Renaissance and a man who changed the face of art forever! Would you like that as a bookmark, a pencil sharpener or a fridge magnet. . . ?"

"So, then, I guess the Johnsons are feeding our clothes."

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

Unrest Area.

'But, I have only one item of hand-luggage... You can't charge me extra...'

"Someone switched off the freezer...it's melted."

Product Testing Department

"Sorry, y'all — no locals. This is a tourists-only bar."

Cat reaching his paw into a mouse hole that is rigged with a guillotine; the mouse has many taxidermy cat paws displayed on his wall

"I was sick - sick in Hawaii."

A magician sees his suitcase with swords in it on the luggage conveyor belt.

"Forty years in this business and you suddenly decide you don't like gimmicky?"

"We saw the Great Wall and lots of pagodas, and I have a transplanted stomach."

Nights in Bath

"Waste of money, I've been here 200 years and never yet seen a monster."

Hubert deeply regretted his wish that his train would arrive on time.

'Natural bridge'

"Yes, it's that way."

'Damned tourists.'

"I think your Arabic is coming along fine for your trip to Casablanca, with or without the Humphrey Bogart impression."

Professional Grade Cargo Shorts

"Without question, you're a big improvement on our last tour rep."

Airline Charges

"Nice little touch of humility!"