Tough-love Humorist Gifts

"These feet are fine. You have at least a couple of route marches left in them."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"Yo, Ned Beatty, paddle harder if you ever want to kiss me again."

"How barbaric! Females should be wooed by colourful displays, not fighting!"

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

Pub restrooms; Thugs - Thugettes

'Will you marry me, Gloria?'

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"It's not what you think."

'You'll marry me? Really? Then forget it! I can't be with someone who's standards are that low!'

"This ride is for parents and their kids."

'That's not true, I do listen. I'm just not very interested.'

Dating Rule #1. Repeat after me: I need some space. I need some space. Got it. Good. Make sure you tell that to Laurel all the time. But

"It's getting serious - he left his stuff."

"It's been a tough season, and you tried your hardest, son. But you're being traded."

'Wait a minute -- Shouldn't you be saying something about 'If not completely satisfied'?'

'Do you have to use your sat-nav for everything?'

Man with many tattoos.

Narcissus

"You haven’t earned this."

"I was thinking more of a leap-year wedding."

Emotional sabotage animals.

'Albert Figgis gets board backing.'

'I'm gonna go slip into something less comfortable.'

'How sweet, he's smiling. He must be dreaming about me.'

"I take her out every night, but she keeps on coming back."

'Fang, what do you think the chances are that I'll marry that girl second from the end on 'Deal or No Deal'?'

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

"I know you think I'm tough on you now, son. But you'il be much better prepared for life when I disinherit you."

My funny Valentine