Tortoise Club Members Gifts

'Tortoise fanciers dinner 6:30pm for 10pm'

'It appears he hit an iceberg.' (A LETTUCE)

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Eat my dust!"

Blind man walking a tortoise.

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

Three lanes of traffic with the first two lanes crowded with turtles. The third lane (to the left) a couple rabbits speeding along without any traffic. An easy pass sign has carrots replacing dollars.

Wonders of Evolution: This species has developed an unusual protective shell.

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

"And another thing, it's real cool in the summer!"

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

"I've downsized."

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

"Oh c'mon, Phil. Everyone knows we only stay together for the giant tortoise."

Brexit Tortoise

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

'Multiple personality.'

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'

Bureaucrat Walking his Pet

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

Old Tortoise

"As cats go, my Bertie's always been a little slow on his feet, but then again, that's a tortoise shell for you!"

Rainy day despondency phobia: 'Poor George can't stand the pitter-patter of rain on his shell.'

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

"Get rich slow"