Tone Tweaker Gifts

Police Dept. Public Information Office. This press release should say "We have not yet gathered evidence," not "We're clueless"!

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Guess who brought king cake!"

'Upon entering the rain forest...' 'Thousands of unknown species, and we can fool around with the genes of every one of them.'

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"The 'Sing Only in the Shower' Community Chorus"

New music conference

"You're right -- this town is big enough for the both of us."

'I'm not a 'Ghost', I'm an Ectoplasmic American.'

The Work-from-Home-Polka

"Maybe we should just let heaven and nature sing."

Old MacDonald had a genetically modified farm.

"I don't like the tone of your voice. Mind if I tweak it a bit?"

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

"Anything else...apart from the wheel?"

"Hey. Where the hell's my harmonica?"

"Yes, dear, I was cool under pressure in the boardroom. It's 58 degrees in there!"

Musical Pondering.

'I have this constant ringing in my ears. I think I have tinnitus.' - 'Does it sound like an 'eeeeeee' or a 'shhhhh'?' - 'It's like the murmer of a thousand forgotten souls quietly lamenting past sorrows.' - 'Hmmm. I don't have a checkbox for that, sadly.

'Moon, June...'

I told you you weren't allowed to stretch before the seventh inning. Security.

'Well excuse me Mr. watch me pound on a hollow log!! I just thought our sound could use a change!!'

"I'm composing a song for the new administration. It's entitled, 'Hell to the chief'."

Bullfighting might be more widely accepted if it had a different name. They should call it "dodgebull"! (Published originally on April 27, 2015.)

"You sure you don't wanna turn the AC down just a tad?"

The Seder plate at Ye Olde Yankee Inne

School of Music. If you need perseverance to be a musician, what's all this I hear about unfinished symphonies?

Students singing 'Now we know our A-B-Os'

'Nice! And what other interests do you have besides jamming?'

Dido

"Here's one I wrote about not being able to come up with one of those 'Here's One I Wrote About' songs."

'Of all times to have a dance tune get stuck in my head.'

"I know that pretty tune! You're the bloke who tinkles away in all those tv documentaries. Irritating!"

"Love the melody. . . but the lyrics need work!"

Amateur singers