Tech Tweaker Gifts

Pounding speeds up the computer.

Robot Parts $5

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

The Computer Bore

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

'Upon entering the rain forest...' 'Thousands of unknown species, and we can fool around with the genes of every one of them.'

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

Drool Marks

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

Early cyborg.

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

The Not-So Smart Meter

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

Mouse in a hamster wheel.

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

Gadget geek.

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

'I'm also fluent in Geek.'

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

Bicycle sat nav.

'I think I see what's making your funny noise.'

'Would everyone please phrase their questions in ones and zeros please.'

"No, it's not a bug. Since you keep losing you phone, I purchased you a phone-locating drone."