Title Tweaker Gifts

"I find you in contempt for consistently referring to me as 'Your Highness'."

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

'Upon entering the rain forest...' 'Thousands of unknown species, and we can fool around with the genes of every one of them.'

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"You're right -- this town is big enough for the both of us."

'I'm not a 'Ghost', I'm an Ectoplasmic American.'

'They've been in there all day writing the job description.'

Old MacDonald had a genetically modified farm.

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

"Yes, dear, I was cool under pressure in the boardroom. It's 58 degrees in there!"

"Anything else...apart from the wheel?"

"I felt like 'data analyst' sounded better than 'good guesser'."

Choose any combination of the words above to name your brilliant first novel.

'Ok, ok, ok. Just tell me the title.'

Athen's Theater. "Oedipus Rex" didn't test well as a title, Sophocles. How would you feel about calling it "My Big Fat Greek Tragedy"?

I told you you weren't allowed to stretch before the seventh inning. Security.

Steinbeck - stuck on the title page (Grapes of Wrath).

"And if, in court, you need to varnish the truth, don't make it high gloss."

Pearls Before Swine is not a terribly savvy name

"I tweeted yesterday. 'Sleep with your windows open'. It was liked and shared by 2000 mosquitos."

"I've just got back the job description for your new assistant."

"No, it's great. I'm just saying 'The Gospel of St. Luke' is an ambitious title for a first-time self-publisher."

Bullfighting might be more widely accepted if it had a different name. They should call it "dodgebull"! (Published originally on April 27, 2015.)

The Seder plate at Ye Olde Yankee Inne

Generational curses: 'Yeah A virus on your PC'

"How married are you to 'Merry Christmas' in the title?"

"When you told me that your father owned several banks, you failed to mention that they're all piggy banks."

Police Dept. Public Information Office. This press release should say "We have not yet gathered evidence," not "We're clueless"!

'Field Marshall chairman, if you don't mind.'

"I see by your resume that you've got a big problem with formatting."

"Good Lord, this is grape juice!"

'No need to call me Mr. Bigge, T. M. We're all on a first and second initial basis around here.'