Time Tweaker Gifts

"March 177th? Already?!"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"Guess who brought king cake!"

'Upon entering the rain forest...' 'Thousands of unknown species, and we can fool around with the genes of every one of them.'

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"You're right -- this town is big enough for the both of us."

'I'm not a 'Ghost', I'm an Ectoplasmic American.'

Old MacDonald had a genetically modified farm.

"As I mentioned next week in my talk on reversible time..."

Bathroom shelf full of clocks and pills.

"Anything else...apart from the wheel?"

'I still have time for both work and family - thanks to cloning.'

Cuckoo bird in office.

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

I told you you weren't allowed to stretch before the seventh inning. Security.

"My first novel is a prequel of a sequel, it's about time travel."

"And if, in court, you need to varnish the truth, don't make it high gloss."

A man holding a golf club eying up his shot

'He's so behind the times - his Hot Line is rotary!'

Bullfighting might be more widely accepted if it had a different name. They should call it "dodgebull"! (Published originally on April 27, 2015.)

'As I mentioned next week in my talk on reversible time...'

The Seder plate at Ye Olde Yankee Inne

Generational curses: 'Yeah A virus on your PC'

We thought everyone would read it, but they haven't got the time.

Police Dept. Public Information Office. This press release should say "We have not yet gathered evidence," not "We're clueless"!

'Dad! What time is it when the big hand is on eight and the little hand is all over the floor?'

'Looks like he'd been watching the kettle boil... Poor fool.'

"Good Lord, this is grape juice!"

"Boxing Day is cancelled this year. We're going to stop cold turkey."

"Yes I DO mind being put on hold! I only have a two week life span."

So typical. Hurry up and wait.

'I thought it'd be great having a watch that did your laundry but now I'm starting to regret buying it.'

'This new vestments freedom does seem appropriate for the comical twaddle he sometimes spouts.'

Social comment on the time-honoured tradition of attaching a Just Married sign to the newlyweds car

Clock Shop: Turn- Key Operation