Home Tweaker Gifts

'Hey buddy, can you cut down that one to give me a better view?'

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

'Upon entering the rain forest...' 'Thousands of unknown species, and we can fool around with the genes of every one of them.'

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"I think I've fixed the intercom. Just remember to speak into the ceiling fan when the doorbell rings."

"You're right -- this town is big enough for the both of us."

'I'm not a 'Ghost', I'm an Ectoplasmic American.'

Old MacDonald had a genetically modified farm.

Shower curtain call.

"Have you been fiddling with the cuckoo clock again, Tony?"

Philip Nye – cycle chiropractor

"That's the last time I ask you to fix anything around here!"

"Yes, dear, I was cool under pressure in the boardroom. It's 58 degrees in there!"

"Anything else...apart from the wheel?"

I told you you weren't allowed to stretch before the seventh inning. Security.

"And if, in court, you need to varnish the truth, don't make it high gloss."

"You sure you don't wanna turn the AC down just a tad?"

Musician sings off key while his dog can only watch,his jaws strapped together

Bullfighting might be more widely accepted if it had a different name. They should call it "dodgebull"! (Published originally on April 27, 2015.)

The Seder plate at Ye Olde Yankee Inne

Generational curses: 'Yeah A virus on your PC'

"Done."

'That's it! The lost chord!'

"It shouldn't happen this way. I'll have to alter the data."

Police Dept. Public Information Office. This press release should say "We have not yet gathered evidence," not "We're clueless"!

"Good Lord, this is grape juice!"

"Boxing Day is cancelled this year. We're going to stop cold turkey."

"I think I see some eggs in here."

'The used to be 'slippers', but now they're 'shoes for watching sports on TV'!'

'This new vestments freedom does seem appropriate for the comical twaddle he sometimes spouts.'

Social comment on the time-honoured tradition of attaching a Just Married sign to the newlyweds car

At home with the Einsteins

'Ah-ah! Hands off the thermostat!'